You. Ms.Awesome.

I need to write.
And I've nothing to write about.
So I will just write about my worthless notebook.
That doesn't even sound remotely amusing. :/
I miss my bestfriend.
She is an amazing lady.
Yes lady.
She isn't a girl. Girls are immature. Still in the process of learning. She is more mature than I would ever be. She is just perfect. If she had been a man, I would marry her. And no kidding when I say this, she has the most perfect hair on this planet.
We have had a major fallout just once.
But that apart she has been with me. Through my worst and my best. I idolize her.
We always consider our female bestfriends as our sisters until a major fallout but truth is I always look up to her as I would to an elder sister.
She is my person.
And she will always be.

(I know this post is average, but what I have for is never going to be average.)

Transport

I'm holding on to an amazing feeling right now. There's a beautiful sense of security surrounding me like a positive aura. I'm serene. And all my senses are absolutely aware to each and every second as it passes.

I feel in control.
I am not static. Rather I'm more liquid than I'll ever be. Instead of flowing in every direction with a forced push, I'm flowing in one direction more powerfully than ever.

And all this was brought about by half an hour of silence and focussing on absolutely nothing.

We all need time-outs. Although we might not accept it, but we all do. Atleast once a week. It doesn't dim your vibrancy, rather it makes you a stronger mixture of colours.

Switch off your phone, shut out the world and spend some time in  solitude's loving embrace. Transport yourself to your paradise. By the end of it you feel alive, relaxed and much lighter than before.
And of course there will be this beautiful sense of contentment accompanying you everywhere. :)

Today was a Fairytale.

It had been really long since she ever felt that way. Rather she had never felt that way. She had never felt so close to someone. So close that being closer beyond that seemed like an unfathomable expression. She'd always thought that fairytales never existed but well that was her way of dealing with rejection.
And then there was today. This was her unexpected, unorthodox fairytale.
It was like as if not he, but his fingers knew what she wanted to feel.
As if that strong impulse which had led them here was being the north star, guiding them to unconventional and unheard of emotions.
It was right there. This complex net of emotions. It was uncomplicating everything. It was leading them to each other's face even in the absence of light.
She didn't speak. It had numbed her. It seemed surreal.
He couldn't have been the same guy who just told her that he couldn't do without her ever.
He couldn't have been in her arms, she said to her shocked mind, he couldn't have been the same guy she had irrevocably been in love with for so long.
But he was.
And that was all that mattered.

Remember me?

I was aimlessly looking at people entering the train. Forming opinions. Judging people on their appearance, the volume at which they talk over their phones, little nitty-gritties about their appearances.
It's fun. And its what most women are amazing at.
That's when I saw her.
She had a troubled look on her face. But that hair.
I wouldn't ever forget that mop of curly hair.
Despite it having been more than 8 years since I had last seen her face.
I go back to 4th grade.
The time when I last saw all of them.
Ofcourse it's her.

I can't be wrong.
(That's what my brain thinks.)
Nevertheless, I ponder over wether it's sensible, the idea of approaching her. I mean we weren't really close as friends.
I remember what my reaction was the last time I saw one of them. I was plain confused about how had my bestfriend from 2nd grade grown up into this beer guzzling, tattooed machine.
(No offence to that prototype.)
I'm still trying to gather the courage.
It's now or never.
Only heavens know when I will meet one of them again.
So I finally get up.
Just that when I look up from my phone, she isn't there.
And Goregaon just went by. She might have gotten off. It strikes me how all of them stayed in Goregaon.
Ofcourse it was her, Rexy. :)

Jumbled.

(Originally was published in July 2012, some stupid glitch in the application has forced me to republish it.) 

It's an uncanny resemblance in all my blog posts that I start with "so, well" initially and later get tweaked to god knows what.
I'm actually jumbled.
This stems from my disorder of thinking excessively.
I create things.
Half of the stuff, of which's occurrence I'm scared about, isn't even there in the first place.
My mind is like a machine, creating fictional situations, all of which aren't exactly possible. But let's face facts, I'm probably a masochist. I mean I keep hurting myself, thinking of the most awful outcomes possible.
And something in my head, tries to  pretend like all of that is happening for real. The end result - Me in a miserable state of mind.
Ah well screw that.

My father ran with me today when I almost missed my bus to school. Avoiding puddles and sprinting way ahead of me, he looked like he might have been blood-related to Usain Bolt.

I felt sorry for myself thinking of my awkward sprint which kept transforming into a jog and then a walk and back to the sprint randomly. Maybe I've taken after the plump side of my family and not after him.
The fact that this statement might be a fact made me curse my genes. :P

When I was sprinting/jogging/walking I called out to him asking him to stop running and walk because I was the one who had to catch the bus. He responded with something which sounds filmy but made me smile for the rest of the day "I'll run to the edge of the world with you"!
Thank you Papa. :)
Even though our relationship threatens to seem like a disaster at times, I'll always love you more than mom. :P

Messy.

So I am sitting on my window, staring at pigeons and marvelling at their love for nooks and crannies, when I feel a tear on my cheek. I don't even know how I started crying. All I know is once I did, it didn't stop.

Since the last couple of days, I've become an awful lot crankier, ready to snap at people for no reason at all. I have started to analyse every little thing about every person (significant or insignificant doesn't matter). I can't look past certain things. Weird details; somethings which don't even matter, have enveloped me and my thinking capacity.
Just now, I snapped at someone, AGAIN.
I can see a fault in me.
I know how to rectify it, exhume it. But I can't.
And I suppose that's how life works?

I can't trust, The one person that I really need to. It isn't exactly about "trust you with my secrets" trust; Not even "I have doubts over you" trust. It's something more complex. It's something like I don't trust someone to be there. I don't trust a person to actually hold me when I need that. I don't trust a person to stay.
Yes that's all that my problem is.

And well, I know this piece might be a real rag but I had to write. I had to write to solve out the tangled ball of yarn that my brain has been processing over the last month.

Feels better.

My amusement park =)

Amusement park.
It's your birthday!
I don't know how on earth did I start getting so dependant on you.
Last year, same time, I used to hit on you because I found your eyes pretty. (And also because of my drummer theory.)

I still find them pretty though. Pretty like a girl.
Hahaha.
So who's amusement park?
He's just this guy, I gradually got close to. He is creepy, but he is funny too. Although I don't like the jokes he makes on me, at the end of the day, the are actually funny. Like hilarious.

He is the only person who gets away with those jokes, which by the way are made round-the-clock.

The first initial times that I spoke to him, I thought he was some really shy, 'my habitat is a cave' sort of a person.
But honestly, almost 6 months later, I can certifiably say he isn't that at all.
"Amusement park" because he is fun.
And ofcourse, he is the ONLY person with evidence about my previous embarrassing blog. (Incase you're reading this, DO NOT ever upload that picture.)

And yeah why this post?
Well because he is the only person who over-exerts his mind as much as I do. And because he is the 'fastest' best friend I made.
(Ps only I consider him that. Not the other way round. :P)
Hmm I want this to be a crisp post, so, I hope you never let go of your 'next level' sense of humour, get all that you wish for, grow up and stay the same.
Happy Birthday Douche. :)