(I know this sounds awfully twisted and full of paradoxes but read between the lines.)
I have always wanted the sort of love that drains you emotionally.
The sort where the turbulence defines it. The sort that takes you on an emotional rollercoaster everyday. A nefarious, sadist devil who is reveling in the angel-devil syndrome.
What I believe, is that in wanting such self-destructive love, I have succeeded in processing what was merely a fragment of my subconscious into my feelings for you in the conscious world. Rather into what I perceive our love to be.
You drive me to a cliff. To the point where you make me want to have nothing to do with you.
But yet, that pain of hating you, knowing how much you love me lures me back into being your's.
Each time I decide that this is it, a slow, gnawing pain, paradoxically an agonizing thrill which is making my feet turn away, entices my heart to run back to you.
I want to stay away & I convince myself to do the same but then the hate I have at that point, condems me to a sentence of staying with you for longer & I can't ever seem to find the will to reject the sentence.
And I know that being with you, makes me feel like a slave who doesn't even mind being forced into slavery rather enjoys every moment of it.
I hope you see the love, if you're reading this.
